Liver Transplant

This Sunday, March 21st, marks the two-year anniversary of our liver transplant surgery. 3/4 of my liver was taken out and given to my friend Jeremy. This was one of the most humbling, challenging, and beneficial experiences of my life. Rather than boring you with my whiny ramblings, let's take a look at the journal of my wife and crown, the true hero through it all.

3/21
Good Friday
The Liver Giver

Bayard First cut at 8:51am
Jeremy in at 9:45am

Removal of Bayard's liver 11:20am
Jeremy's first cut at 11:26am

Last stitch on Bayard 1:10pm
Bayard in recovery at 1:38pm


Woke up this morning with an upset stomach and very foggy head. It took Bayard asking me what was wrong to bring me back. As we held each other on the end of the bed I realized how truly inspired I am by my husband. How much I love him and am so proud. He has been the leader my life and heart have longed for. God has given him to me.
As we walked over to the Mayo Clinic, I felt scared for him. Silent prayers left my lips. Slight smiles about an uncertain future washed across my face. But with every minute I loved him even more.
As they wheeled a woman by, fear crept up my body as to "Wow, this is it, this is huge." Then they brought out Bayard and he was all grins. Maybe a little scared, but knowing Jesus and the Holy Spirit of the living God is in him gave me peace and I am sure it put him at peace. I realized this is our last kiss before surgery. I walked away with Greg and tears started a bit.
I was thinking,” I want to be strong for Krista and Jeremy," so I pulled myself together and gave it up to God. We sat with Jeremy and family for a couple hours. I had an upset stomach at times, but was so excited for Jeremy and his new body. Krista hugged and held me throughout, and I could start to see Jeremy getting a little scared. Pastor Greg prayed for all of us and the entire mood in the room changed. Krista asked me to walk with them as they wheeled Jeremy into surgery. Greg came and prayed again for Jeremy. Jer looked a bit scared but was happy. Krista held Jer and started crying tears of joy. She was excited for their new life to start.
I wanted to get away, so I walked back to our room at the Kalher and sat on the bed and talked into Bayard's recorder. As I spoke, it hit me how real it was that Bayard was losing part of his body. I felt like part of me was being taken. It sounds weird, but I really did.
I sat with Greg at Starbucks and talked for 4 or so hours. It was amazing, I felt so much better.
Just got the call, you're heading into recovery.
I called your mom and dad and heard loud praise music in the background. Your mom yelled, "Praise God! Oh thank you Shannon," they were excited. They said they would call your family and let them know your status. Krista's spirits took a 180 degree turn when she found out you were in recovery. I saw hope and relief in her eyes. I love you so much!
I started tearing up and so did everyone else. We just got a call that Jeremy is doing awesome and everything is going great at 2:15pm.
I can't wait to see Bayard, even with all the hook-ups and pain. I envision just holding your hand and letting you feel all this love inside. It sounds kind of corny, but I really can't wait to have babies and raise them to be Godly children of the living Lord, just like their Dad.
I just updated the care page and let everyone know you made it to recovery.
I asked Greg to come with me to see Bayard, and when I walked in I was shocked at how great he looked. I walked over to his bed and he says, "Did I die and go to heaven? Because I think I see an angel." At first I thought he was delirious and just stroked his arm. Then he goes "Uh, that was a joke." He was all smiles and jokes. He felt pretty good and after an hour and a half was pushing the button for his pain medication. I sat and rubbed and stroked him for a couple hours. Then Greg came in and said, "It's time to see Jeremy."
I was a little more nervous but as we walked in he looked great. He started to register every time Krista held and talked to him. He started to signal that he was in pain with the breathing tube in and had it removed in 3 hours rather than the 24 hours they predicted.
Basically I was back and fourth from Jer to Bayard for a few hours. Finally Jer was awake and talking. He asked for 30 minutes alone to clear his mind before family came in. I really have been trying to give Bayard all I have in love and support. He means so much to me.
Martha took us to eat at Newt's that night. It was about 10:40pm when we got there and that was the first time we ate all day. I was just antsy to get back and see Bayard. Everyone was so thankful!

3/22
I am so tired but I don't want to sleep and leave him alone. Last night was pretty rough for him.
Well we, meaning Bayard, sat up for the first time today and looked great. The nurses helped him into a wheelchair and we headed to see Jeremy for the first time! Everyone was in the hall singing, "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow." We had Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" playing for Jer as we entered the room. It was so memorable. They were so excited to see each other.
We then headed toward our new room outside of the ICU and the nurses gave me a cot to stay with Bayard. While he slept, I went to the Gift of Life House and made Bayard a smoothie, took an exhilarating shower, and headed back to the Mayo Clinic. Bayard really liked my smoothie but said the soup and pudding was not sitting right. I again could hardly wait to see him. It felt so good to shower. I forgot how good it could really feel.
The smoothies went over great! He is rocking.
He slept so well last night and I would be surprised if anyone else on our wing slept with all those snores. Finally at about 12:15am we propped him on his side and he stopped snoring while continuing to sleep great. It's pretty funny all I did to hide his noisy snores... I put toilet paper in my ears, used a stethoscope, turned on my ipod and put pillows over my head. Nothing worked except propping him up on his side.

3/23
We woke up to Jeremy showing up at our room on foot. It was amazing.
Finally Bayard's catheter came out and I was able to give him a shower. You peed on your own! You said the shower was awesome. After that he took a nice long nap after waking up went for a stroll. He walked over to visit Jer all on his own! He ended up walking 2 times today.

3/24
Sara and Martha came to visit for Easter and it was great to see them. Bayard got up to go visit Jer's room where everyone was. We stopped bye and visited another donor who had surgery the day before us. She was doing great.

I got a ride to the Gift of Life House this afternoon. I showered, made a smoothie, ran for 30 minutes, and did some laundry. It felt so good. Bayard napped the entire time. I fed him 1/4 peanut butter and honey sandwich and a cup of smoothie. It didn't sit s well. He had a lot of tightness and bloating and tasted it until it came back up last night. He called me over to his bed about every hour from 2am on to get him water, and a wet clothe for his hot forehead. Then he vomited. The nurses had to put a tube down his nostril and into his stomach to pump out any extra gas and fluid to give him some relief. I was really scared and concerned for him but he said, "fear not little flock". It made me rethink the situation.
After that, they took him to get x-rayed and I went to brush my teeth and let out a good cry in the bathroom. It's hard to be strong and positive when your other half is in so much pain and suffering. I wished I could have some of the pain so he could feel better.
I prayed and headed back to Bayard's room and waited for him. About an hour later they closed off the tube in his nose, and 2 hours later they pulled it out. There was that smile I had been missing. 30 minutes later a doctor came in to remove the IV in his neck. I held my hand on him the entire time and it was a complete success. He told me when it was done that "A wife of noble character is her husbands crown. It made me feel loved. It is also hard when someone you love is sick and in pain, your love has to abound for the both of you. Thank you God for wrapping us in your glorious arms.

3/25
Bayard ate some popsicles and jello today to keep his stomach at ease. He did lots of walking. Krista and I went for coffee and she walked with me to the Gift of Life House. We have enjoyed and appreciated each other this last week. I then made a smoothie, worked out, and showered. I always feel so good when I do that. I walked back to the Mayo talking with the Lord. He has become my shelter and his steadfast love has kept me on high.
Bayard was up and had already been out walking. He had another popsicle and napped for a good 4 hours. Krista and I went to Paradise Pete's and had salads. I also called Doug and Linda and gave them the updates. I can't wait for Linda to come visit. She will be a great support for us both.
I got back and Bayard was still snoozing. It's hard because I don't really know shat to do. I feel very alone sometimes. When I do, I just talk to God and pray that I remember him in these times and in the great times.
Bayard woke to the nurse stomping in. I definitely didn't like this nurse. She seemed a little out of touch and unconfident. We got up at 12am for a walk and then Bayard took a shit (there you go Bayard, I said it) for the first time at 4am. Then we went on another walk.

3/26
He told me this morning that last night was the hardest night of his life. He was real scared. Prayer is what got him through it. Prayer is what is getting me through as well. We had a great morning. Bayard had some cream of wheat and a few walks. I left for the Gift of Life House and Krista and I had a lovely windy walk. The wind hits you like a blank, just no snow, and not as cold. We made egg salad sandwiches and about 20 minutes into my run Bayard called and said he needed me. He was in pain and had a terrible dream.
I was there in less than 15 minutes; I ran the entire way with a gym bag in my hand. I pray for pain relief Lord, and Bayard's insides to start working perfectly for him. I pray for peaceful, God honoring dreams, and continual healing. Clothe him with your peace and comfort always, as well as with Jeremy. I rubbed Bayard's feet and hands and then we walked for a while. We visited Jer and found out that KARE11 wants to do a news story on us. That's awesome.
Bayard had some solid food for diner and he came so close to puking. I rubbed him and we both prayed for about 10 minutes. We prayed for God's peace, comfort, and healing from the nausea. I miss my husband so much. I am so excited for him to heal and our future days together as one in the living Christ. You are beautiful almighty, beyond my comprehension. I love you. Thank you.

3/27
Bayard walked all day. Jeremy had a major gas pain today that gave everyone a scare. Everything worked out and he ended up walking for over and hour. Bayard's discomfort has now moved to his stomach. He said it feels like a huge balloon blowing up inside of him. He has tried everything and I don't know what to do. I need to keep faith and know his and my prayers will be answered in the Lord's time. It makes me sick to see him like this! I hate it. Let me rephrase that. I get sick, sad, torn apart. I want to take the pain away. Lord, fill us with your comfort and patience. Take the pain away. Give Bayard relief and a bowel movement please. I offered Bayard a hot shower and he said that would be perfect. He said that shower made him feel like we were making love. I just held him and put the sprayer over his head. He sat there and forgot about the pain for a few minutes.
Later that night he had to great bowel movements.

3/28
The next morning there was a new person in the room with me. Half of the pain was gone. He and I walked all morning. We then found out that Jeremy's body was starting the rejection process. He started having such intense pains that they hooked him back up to the IV and administered 75 grams of protograph. At one point he told Krista if it weren't for her he would not be here. He was "done with the pain." They took him to the lower level to get a CT scan. Bayard, Krista, and I ended up walking to the Mayo Clinic store. I felt like Bayard was out of the hospital. He was doing great.
Greg, Lara and their kids came today with cards and cookies. It brightened everyone’s day. For a few minutes Krista let go and enjoyed opening the cards while she smiled. So sweet!
For dinner, Krista and I went to Victoria's and ordered food and a glass of wine. By the end of dinner we were joking and enjoying ourselves. You would think that spending that much time with someone would cause you to run out of things to say, but we never do! We have been a great pair. I am so thankful for her.
We brought Bayard some dinner, as he has been feeling and eating well all day.
I gave him a hot shower and then I went to bed.

3/29
I slept through the entire night! I feel great. I am starting to feel that blanket of love again from Bayard. It is so awesome to have him back. He is brushing his teeth now with the Sonicare. We are all waiting for Jeremy to come back from his biopsy and Bayard to get a CT scan. Jack came down last night to be with Jeremy and Krista. That was wonderful for Krista, Jack showed up at the right time as we left for dinner.

www.bayardblack.com
www.raydiancesalon.com

Business Cards for the Homeless

It is the eve of my favorite day of the week once again.
Have you ever given your business card to someone and it changed the course of your life? Some time ago I walked by a man on the street as I have a thousand times before... then for whatever reason felt pulled back to meet him. He was sunning himself against the west facing wall of the bar with his two large black dogs. I struck up a conversation with the man who introduced himself as Robert. He had the appearance of my mind's stereotypical homeless man, long grey hair and beard, shifty eyes and leathered face. My first impression was positive as he did not ask for money or anything else from me. He explained he lived in a tent outside of town. Keep in mind, this is December in Minnesota and it was -3 that day. I talked to him for a brief time and gave him my business card. As I hurried to get back to my busy life, I told him if he ever needed help to give me a call. I felt good about what I had done and even prayed that God would use me in Robert's life. I remember sharing the good news with Shannon feeling proud of myself. I see my feeble attempt and wickedness looking back.

Robert's call did come, at the most inconvenient time of course. Shannon and I were headed out of town to enjoy dinner and worship time with our church. Here's how our conversation went. "Hi this is Bayard." "Hi this is Robert, you gave me your business card the other night, do you remember me?" "Sure I do Robert, what can I do for you?" "Do you think my dogs and I could stay at your house tonight?" "Gulp, I'm headed out of town right now, but I think we could work something out, can I call you back, oh wait you don't have a phone do you?" "No, this lady is letting me use her cell to call you." "OK, just meet me where I first met you at 9:30pm, can you do that." "Yea man, no problem, hey thanks." "See you then."


I watched as terror crept over my wife's face. Rightly so, here I am inviting a complete stranger and homeless man to stay the night with us. We argued and I found myself angry with her... how could she not understand me wanting to help this man? Yes, you could say that I handled the situation in complete failure. Fortunately we were able to speak with Pastor Lawrence that evening who by grace helped me to understand where Shannon was coming from and prayed with us. Now it's -6...Brrr.

After our fellowship Shannon and I headed back to Mankato not knowing what was in store for our night. I assured her that she could set the rules and that if she did not feel comfortable with Robert staying the night, we would figure something else out. I could see she was not comfortable.

I dropped Shannon off at the house and headed down town to where I first met Robert. Upon pulling into the parking lot I noticed some police cars at the parking ramp bus stop. Guess who they were talking to. Yep Robert and his two big black dogs. As walked in and said he was with me the cops became uncomfortable and asked for my ID. It was somewhat of a relief when one of the officers said they had never had any problems with Robert other than just trespassing. If I would have arrived 5 minutes later who knows what would have transpired. They let us go and I loaded Robert and the Dogs into the back of my truck (thanks Dad!) and headed for home.

That first night was not a pleasure. Tiny and Sugar Bear, Robert's dogs, bolted into our house knocking over one of our framed pictures into the turtle tank. After locking the ruckus hounds into our guest room, Shannon scurried about nervously as I talked to the drunk man in our living room. I'd never smelt anything quite like it. Cigarette butts and urine baking in the oven. It was obvious that the first way we could help him was to wash his clothes. We convinced Robert to change out of his snowsuit and piss soaked jeans and into my clean apparel. Shannon put the washing machine on the sanitary hot wash cycle and continued pacing around without any destination. Then came the moment of truth... "Honey, he's sobering up. Can he spend the night." Despite her fear, despite everything in her body telling her no, my faithful little wife responds..."Yes, he can stay."


The following days and weeks entailed a lot of prayer, dog sitting and even a doggy shower. One of the saddest events was Robert being sent to detox on christmas eve. Imagine spending christmas with a hangover and no family. Some time later the day came when Robert admitted he had a drinking problem and asked for help. I pressed him to get an alcohol assessment and took him to Project Turnabout in Granite Falls, MN with Pastor Greg.

It's been a couple months now and Robert is living at the House of Hope, a halfway house, in Mankato. He's been attending church with us and looking for a job as a chef. This week he called me in tears and had been drinking. He came over and was so scared that he would be kicked out of the House of Hope. He kept saying he was so sorry for letting us all down. I explained to him how God forgives my failures when I ask for his forgiveness. I advised him to be honest with the people at the House of Hope about his relapse. Despite his fear, He was honest, and they've allowed him to stay.

So, what can I say. That day I handed my business card to Robert Lynn, I had no idea what would come of it. My shortsighted mind could not see what my and others' prayers would bring, I still don't know. God answers prayers in amazing ways that one could never expect. What ever happens in Robert's life, it has been an amazing and challenging experience.

Thank you Robert.
Thank you Church.
Thank you Wilson Family and Aron.
Thank you Shannon.
Thank you God, for your grace to me despite all my failures.

Please continue to pray for Robert.

Good Night!

www.bayardblack.com

www.raydiancesalon.com

"Living Water" - Owatonna Arts Center and little Elsa

It's about 11:30 p.m. on sabbath eve and I find that Sunday is my favorite day of the week. Shannon and I traveled to Owatonna to see my gallery exhibit in the Owatonna Arts Center and to meet with our friends Chris and Lynn Nyhus. Chris is an elder at Christ Church and Lynn is his crown. I enjoyed sharing the gallery exhibit, "Living Water", with them and attempting to soak up some of their wisdom. Unfortunately I am unable to obtain wisdom through osmosis. Much of our conversation was focused on children as Shannon is nearly 3 months pregnant with our first child, or little Humbo as we refer to him/her now.

As this week comes to an end my thoughts and prayers have been with my friends Jeremy and Krista who lost their little one Elsa on Monday. Elsa tied a knot in her umbilical cord and did not have a heart beat when the doctor checked Krista. I was able see Elsa after Krista gave birth to her. She was beautiful, a cute button nose, perfect lips, and the most intricate hands and fingers. Greg Lawrence, our pastor, was there for support throughout the entire process. Anyone with ears to hear and eyes to see, heard and saw the Gospel. I don't know if it's possible to admire a man more than we admire Greg. Shannon has handled everything with grace and strength which reminds me how blessed I am to have her. I found it difficult to concentrate for extended periods of time and did not get much work done this week. My most therapeutic task was painting the crib for Humbo. All this said, my prayer is that this tragedy is used to bear fruit in all of us, that Jeremy and Krista will be comforted, and that the Elsa's life and death will bring us to our knees before God.

I can hear Shannon rustling about in bed which means it's time for me to retire.
Good Night.

www.bayardblack.com

www.raydiancesalon.com